This kid does not believe any of these things

Before I start on this venomous rant, let me make two disclaimers. First, I love NPR. Second, I consider myself, on most social issues, politically liberal. But, there is one thing I can't stand: and that is cliche. Another thing I can't stand is self-congratulation. And ANOTHER thing I can't stand is when kids regurgitate political slogans they've heard their parents recite ad nauseum, and the parents and their friends fawn over the kid for being so insightful and opinionated (and at such a young age!) This, my friends, is obnoxious. If people just kept it to themselves, that would be one thing, but when they force me to listen to it in the morning while I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast, that, my friends, is something different.

Now, I submit to you one of the most trite, cliche, obnoxious, self-congratulatory things I have ever heard on NPR. In this edition of the already-sometimes-eye-roll-inducing "This I Believe" series, a young tike named Tarak McLain rattles off every politically and socially "progressive" cliche he's ever heard his parents proclaim. Here is the link to the page with a full transcript. You can hear the audio by clicking on the "Listen now" button. Prepare to vomit.

Let's just go through a couple of these precious little tidbits. Highlights include, "I believe God is in everything," "I believe hate is a cause for love," "I believe we should help the Arctic and rainforest animals" (I mean, really!), "I believe we live best in a community." Now, one reason I know that this is bullshit is because, when I was 7 years' old, I spent a lot of time with my Ronald Reagan and Rush Limbaugh-loving dad, and, during that time, my "This I Believe" would have probably sounded something like, "I believe I should say no to drugs," "I believe Democrats are stinky," "I believe the Soviet Union is the evil empire." And I would have said that, too, on tape, and it would have been sent to the Rush Limbaugh show, and Republican adults everywhere would be fawning all over this insightful and intelligent kid who had decided to adopt political conservativism all on his own (and at such a young age!). And how obnoxious would that have been!

What's really happening here, I submit, is a demonstration of the truism that people like the hear their own beliefs regurgitated aloud. This is the premise behind conservative talk radio: the hosts seldom offer challenging insights; rather, they simply repeat ad nauseum the same conservative precepts over and over again. The average NPR user, on the other hand, is more apprehensive about his or her news coverage coming across as overtly partisan. If there was just some guy on the air saying "God is in trees; save the rainforests; stop the war," we'd all feel a little uncomfortable; we'd feel like we were being too partisan. But if a kid says it, well then that's just precious!

This isn't to say that kids aren't capable of having political insights. Of course, they are, and some more than others. But, if an adult had sent in this tape of himself rattling off one generic liberal maxim after the other, the folks at NPR would have thrown it in the trash and certainly would never have aired it. Why? Because it offers no insights. Its just a series of bumper-sticker like slogans, and people think its cute because a kid says it. Its things like this that most undermine the political left. Of course, its not unique to the left. The right experiences its own self-righteousness and self-reference. But there is something uniquely annoying about the parent who sends in this tape of their kid reciting the family's favorite cliches, along with a description of their kid as one who "collects and hands out food to the homeless and raises money for orphans and impoverished schools," and who "reads about the world's religions and listens to public radio." Being a proud parent is one thing. But this requires some real self-aggrandizement to try and convince the entire market for NPR that you've raised the perfect progressive messiah. I'm sure this is a great little guy and all, but come on, mom and dad, get over yourselves.

With this kind of parenting, I bet the kid grows up to be a Neocon.