"The Bachelorette" will destroy us all

This sort of show is as unavoidable as a train wreck. I don't really want to look, and I'm ashamed at the impulses within me that lead me to look, but, unavoidably, I am unable to avert my gaze from the disaster on the screen. These late-20 to 30-something dudes with big pecs and popped collars take turns awkwardly mouthing lines about "opening their hearts" and "sharing themselves" to this moderately attractive television personality, and, all the while, a light, alt-rock inspired guitar track plays in the background, delivering highly specific emotional queues, so that we know when the interchangeably awkward interactions are meant to signal "not a connection" plateaus or "yes a connection" crescendos. The transparency of the program is, on the one hand, maddeningly laughable, but, on the other hand, culturally tragic, as I imagine that millions of modern Americans empathize with the struggles of these characters or find something in these images that is aspirational or even desirable.

Is The Bachelorette a microcosm for single adult life in America? Is this what it's like? I think that, probably, it is not. I would imagine that the audience for this program is largely (a) young adults (teens to mid-20's) whose dating interactions are somewhat similar to those on the show, but that's ok, because they're young and its expected and acceptable that their romantic interactions are a bit immature, and (b) older adults (late 30's to early 50's) who have long exited the dating world and, for whatever reason, are somewhat nostalgic about the experience, and derive some escapist utility from the show. But, of course, there must be a chunk of mid-20 to 30-something viewers who see in the show something that is like their own emotional experience. And that upsets me a bit.

It upsets me to imagine that individuals in my generation might form their most important relationships along lines that are as vapid and artificial as those portrayed on The Bachelorette. The show depicts this woman's quest to find the man she will marry based on a series of middle-school-like dating games and awkward on-camera exchanges that invariably involve about 100 recitations of the term "feelings" or the expression "opening oneself up." Lost in this charade is any concept of what marriage actually is, beyond an extended "go steady" marked by an elaborate party and an expensive white dress. The deeper, richer, more complicated realities of a life promise, with all its shared responsibilities and death-do-us-part difficulties are obscured by the image of a saccharine-simple hallmark moment that ends, rather than begins, with a wedding. And while this image might largely reflect the modern American's attitude about marriage, such a popular and slickly-produced program also sells and promotes these ideas, leaving especially its younger viewers with a stupid, self-defeating concept of how the strongest bonds are formed.

Or maybe its harmless, innocent escapism. But I'm not buying that. I believe that television, perhaps more than any modern force, has a powerful impact on our view of ourselves and how our society should look. And so long as those who create and sell television content continue to produce programs like The Bachelorette, it will be no surprise that Americans find their relationships less and less fulfilling, and problems of divorce and infidelity persist.